Star Wars: Why the Originals Matter

star-wars-original-poster

The poster for the original Star Wars. Note the absence of the subtitle "A New Hope," the first of many additions Lucas would make in subsequent years.

I can’t pinpoint the time when I first saw Star Wars, but I think I have a fairly good idea.  I was born in 1980, three years after Star Wars was released, and while I was growing up I had no concept of Jedis, the Force, Darth Vader, or X-Wing fighters.  But somewhere along the line, perhaps around the mid-1980s, my parents rented a VCR and let us stay up late to watch George Lucas’ masterpiece.  From the moment John Williams’ score poured from our 19-inch TV’s single three-inch speaker I was hooked.  I watched with bated breath as R2D2 and C-3PO evaded capture and flew an escape pod to Tatooine. I marveled as Luke Skywalker handled his first light saber, my mind reeling with the possibilities such a weapon offered. And when the X-Wing fighters took to the trench in the film’s climactic battle, I gaped at the screen, mesmerized and completely, utterly hooked.

The technical details mattered not to my six-year-old brain.  The monaural soundtrack, the obvious puppeteering, the poor quality matte lines…those didn’t even register.  What kept my mind spinning for days and weeks was the incredibly story of a young boy who grew up to realize his destiny, his friends who never abandoned him even in the face of great danger, and the haunting, chilling sound of Darth Vader’s mask.  Rooted deep within the story, at some primal level, were the basic elements of mythology that humans have used to tell stories for generations without end, and in our living room more than two decades ago they connected with me too.

Soon after that we rented Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, and I was absolutely thrilled to be able to continue the journey of Luke Skywalker and his friends.  My brothers and I used sticks in the back yard to pretend we were Jedis.  I delivered newspapers on my bike pretending I was on a speeder bike evading scout troopers and dodging trees.  On cold walks to school I would make believe I was looking for a tauntaun I could ride instead.  The entire universe captivated me, despite the fact that it was riddled with technical glitches, chroma-key matte lines, and obvious modelwork and puppetry.  All that is beside the point, because as George Lucas himself said, special effects are just a tool, a means of telling a story, and it’s the story itself that matters.

And it’s the story itself that endures.

With the release of the Special Editions in 1997, George Lucas began what would be a seemingly endless journey of tinkering, tweaking, altering, and even polishing his original trilogy.  He has stated that his original movies were only 25 to 30 percent of what he wanted them to be, largely due to technical limitations.  The changes he has since made, from the mundane (cleaning up the colors of the lightsabre duels) to the horrifying (Greedo shooting first) continually eroded not only fans’ appreciation for the newer editions, but their respect and admiration for Mr. Lucas himself.  All this tinkering has been well documented, and will not be explored in depth here, but suffice it to say the version of the classic trilogy that hit store shelves recently is, in many ways, a shadow of its original counterpart.

The originals weren’t perfect by any means, and compared to today’s cinematic productions with 1080p and 4K resolutions, 7.1 sound, and 3D effects, they do show their age more than a little bit.  But, and this is the part of the argument that seems to escape Mr. Lucas, that is precisely the point.  Star Wars broke new ground in so many ways, and advanced cinema in so many unprecedented directions, that to essentially deny the validity of the originals is akin to robbing popular culture of one of its most enduring treasures.

Consider the man behind all this for a moment: George Lucas.  Thirty years ago he was a kid fresh out of film school with an epic story to tell and enough tenacity to actually pull it off despite massive obstacles facing nearly every element of the production.  However, ever since his success with the original Star Wars (not subtitled “A New Hope” until long after its initial theatrical run), Mr. Lucas has, for all his notoriety, wallowed in mediocrity.  To this date, a scant half-dozen films comprise his entire directorial resume:

George Lucas Han Shot First

George Lucas on the set of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, wearing a t-shirt with a graphic that says "Han Shot First."

THX-1138

American Grafitti

Star Wars

Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace

Star Wars: Episode II – The Clone Wars

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith

And that’s it.  Consider, then, the laundry list of films directed by Steven Spielberg, one of Lucas’ contemporaries whose films like Raiders of the Lost Ark and E.T. have had a similar impact on the cultural zeitgeist.  While Lucas had a gap of more than twenty years between directing the original Star Wars and The Phantom Menace, Spielberg was busy making dozens of films and refining his craft, and currently has four films in various stages of production.  So what was Lucas doing that whole time? Nearly every project he was involved in after 1977 bears the words “Star Wars” or “Indiana Jones,” a film which he was, admittedly, very influential in creating.  Stymied by his own myopic vision, or perhaps simply too scared to venture out with other projects, Lucas has seen fit instead to tinker with his original creations rather than branch out into new areas of science fiction and storytelling.  Not every film made by Spielberg, Martin Scorcese, James Cameron, Christopher Nolan, or other influential Hollywood personalities, is a success.  Even the greatest artists sometimes fail, which in its own way an integral part of success.  But George Lucas has never experienced failure, thanks to his refusal to exit the comfortable confines of his Star Wars universe and try something new.  Instead, he is content to meddle with Star Wars, babbling on about his “original vision” and adding pointless things like additional rocks and blinking ewok eyes to films that, for years, have stood entirely on their own without enhanced color grading or CGI dewbacks. Notice also two curious omissions from the aforementioned list: The Empire Strikes Back (which Lucas actually said was the worst in the series) and Return of the Jedi. These films were borne from Lucas’ original creation, but he did not actually direct them. Instead, he wisely left that task to men who understood conventions like dramatic tension, character arcs, and (gasp!) good dialogue.  Even the original Star Wars owes a great deal of its success not to Lucas, but his wife Marcia, who edited the film and in many ways helped her husband guide its direction (it was her idea to kill Ben Kenobi, an idea which Lucas initially resisted).

X-Wing Approach

In the originals, shots like this were the culmination of cutting-edge motion control and compositing. In the Special Edition, they were replaced with CGI, effectively erasing some of ILM's most pioneering work.

In other words, George Lucas may have been the guy with the idea, but Star Wars owes its enduring popularity to a host of individuals. And yet it is Lucas who has decided not to leave well enough alone and revise the very objects of art which catapulted him to fame and fortune.  Star Wars is not simply his vision. It was the product of many committed individuals who poured their heart and souls into the films. And with the release of the Blu-Rays, the original trilogy has been, in many ways, marred beyond recognition so as to effectively snuff out out the contributions of the many individuals who helped bring them to fruition.  The special effects might have been cheesy, the colors less than perfect, and the sound a humble stereo mix, but these are what made the films great.

Of course Lucas is free to alter the films if he so chooses.  He owns the copyright, and he can take his fancy ball and go to another playground if he wants to–even if no one else is there to play with him.  But it was the original trilogy that changed how movies were made. It was the original  trilogy that defined special effects for the next 30 years. It was the original trilogy that created legions of devoted fans around the world.  And it was the original trilogy that entranced a generation and made them believe that each and every one of them had the power to do something special, to stretch their wings and fly.  Lucas can update his films with newer gee-whiz computer graphics and add floor-rumbling surround sound, but to deny future generations of moviegoers the opportunity to see the original films as they actually existed, regardless of his somewhat specious claims regarding his original vision, is like denying a grandmother the opportunity to hold her grandchild.

Of course the originals on VHS and Laserdisc can still be tracked down by dedicated fans, and in 2006 Lucasfilm even released a DVD set of the Special Editions that included a bonus disc with the original version of each film (infuriatingly presented in non-anamorphic widescreen, almost as if Lucas was just goading legions of fans clamoring for his original creations). But Lucas has since essentially abandoned the originals, tossing them to the curb and dismissing them as mere rough drafts. What he fails to realize is that those “rough drafts” are precisely what put him in the position he is in today. And it is those “rough drafts” that will be celebrated for years to come, not despite their imperfections but because of them.

The People vs George Lucas

In The People vs. George Lucas, filmmaker Alexandre O. Philippe documents the love/hate relationship Star Wars fans have with George Lucas.

And so remains the question: what is to be done? In a sense, the best chance to make sure these films are not relegated to the celluloid dustbin is to keep the feedback coming. SaveStarWars.com has an incredible FAQ that answers a host of questions regarding the original trilogy (and debunks some of the common myths, such as Lucas’ own statement that it would be too expensive to restore the originals) and contains myriad resources for fans to take action.  But by far the most influential method for changing Lucas’ mind is simply affecting his pocketbook.  Each time he releases newer altered versions of his films, they are purchased by fans all around the world (the Blu Rays recently broke all kinds of sales records)–many of them torn between keeping the original films alive while also delighting in seeing them gussied up with all of today’s home theater wizadry.  And the films will soon be back in theaters with a full 3D treatment and, presumably, even more changes to fit Lucas’ ever-changing “original vision,” with a 3D Blu-Ray release years down the line virtually a foregone conclusion.

Imagine if George Lucas threw a party and nobody came.  Imagine if his 3D Star Wars films bombed at the box office, and if the blu-ray sales fell like a dead tauntaun.  Would he finally listen to the fans and release the original versions? I’m thinking he would.

The fact of the matter is, there’s room in Star Wars fans’ hearts for all kinds of versions.  He can release all the HD/3D/Special Editions he wants, just as long as he releases the originals too.  And not a cheesy laserdisc transfer from 1993 either.  If Star Wars was big before, just imagine the sales figures of this hypothetical boxed set.

In the meantime, there’s plenty of resources for fans to keep the originals alive for generations to come.  And as for me, my son who will one day be old enough to watch Star Wars. One day I’ll pull out my 2006 DVD versions, skip to Disc 2, and let his imagination be caught up in the adventures of Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Princess Leia, Yoda, and all the rest.  If I have my way, he will only know the originals–the ones with the poor-quality matte lines (“That’s how they used to make movies, son.”) and bad lightsaber visuals (“They didn’t have computer graphics back then…”).  I’m sure some day he’ll ask about the prequels or the Special Editions and maybe we’ll even watch those too, but the Star Wars he grows up will be the same as the one that millions of fans around the world grew up with–one in which Mos Eisley is not a wretched hive of CGI distractions, the Max Rebo band is not a gaggle if cartoon muppets, and Han always, always shoots first.

Click

ClickThere’s a moment in this Adam Sandler dramedy when his titular character, exhausted and at his wit’s end, looks to the sky and asks for a break.  Just one.  Because his life is just too difficult.  You see, his life is so awful that his incredible job, multi-story suburban house, impossibly hot wife, near-perfect kids who always get along and just love to color pictures together, loyal dog, and multitude of electronics, clothes, furniture, and other such possessions are just too much for him to bear.  No, Michael Newman (Sandler) decides he’s had it up to here with all his modern conveniences and comfortable life because it’s just too overwhelming and oh-so-stressful.  So how to fix it?  Of course the only answer is to buy even more crap to throw on the pile, in the form of a universal remote that will finally allow him to get a handle on his television, DVD player, satellite TV, and toy helicopters that are just plaguing his enviable first-world life.

Maybe it’s just me, but I can hardly get past the exposition of a movie that asks me to identify with characters like this.  They live lives that are so contrived, so perfect, that when the inevitable single problem crops up that they just can’t deal with, my brain just checks out.  Click certainly isn’t the first movie to be guilty of this, but it is the most recent one I have watched.  And this phenomenon gets under my skin every time.

If you’re an Adam Sandler fan, you’ll probably find a lot to like here: sophomoric jokes, kids using bad language (gee, an eight-year-old said a swear word…it’s funny!), empty-headed women with no inherent worth or ambition and who exist solely to support the childlike men in their lives…basically standard Hollywood fare.  Not that I’m jaded or anything, it’s just that this movie brings nothing new to the table except for a wild-haired Christopher Walken who steals every scene he is in.

Click-Kate Beckinsale

Yup, Michael Newman sure does have it rough.

The remote that Newman ends up buying from Bed Bath and Beyond, in what is one of the most shameless examples of product placement ever committed to celluloid: after driving past a Best Buy and Target, both of which are closed, he ends up at BB&B where he spends several minutes admiring the aisles filled with products gallantly catering to suburban consumerism before walking down a hallway simply labeled “Beyond.” It’s as if the film itself is interrupted by a lengthy commercial for the strip-mall purveyor of fluffy towels and soda-makers. I understand that product placement is necessary in many cases to help finance modern films, but this was just ridiculous, and it exemplified the over-the-top nature of the entire movie. Soon enough Newman is standing in a warehouse with Walken, an eccentric character with a magical remote that allows the user to rewind, pause, mute, and fast-forward his or her way through life.

It’s the kind of gag that would have worked well in a five-minute Saturday Night Live sketch, but quickly wears thin here.  Watching Newman mute his ever-nagging wife is kind of funny once, but the joke goes on and on and on.  Fast-forwarding through awkward dinners, pausing his son’s backyard baseball game and re-aiming the ball so it smacks the annoying neighbor bully directly in the face…and this continues for pretty much the entire rest of the movie.  Oh sure there’s a moral lesson about spending time with family that’s laid on so thick at the end I could barely stop my eyes from rolling, but most of the film is about as boring and predictable as almost any other Sandler flick. Nothing new to see here, folks.  Move along.

Rating:[Rating:1.5/5]

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Transformers-Dark-of-Moon-PosterWhen going to any Michael Bay film, it’s best to check your brain at the door from the get-go and just abandon yourself to the idea that you will not be watching high-quality cinema.  You’ll get explosions, hot chicks, muscled-up dudes, fast cars, and more explosions.  But even so, some of his films really go for broke and shoot for the bottom of the movie barrel.  Nevertheless, I was pretty excited for his third entry into the burgeoning Transformers movie franchise partly because the trailer was completely awesome, partly because Michael Bay said it would be way better than the second film, and partly because I dig explosions and giant fighting robots.  I also fully expected an assault on my senses as well as my intellect, and while Bay was correct in that his final foray into Cybertronian lore did indeed far surpass Revenge of the Fallen, it was only worthwhile as simple entertainment and not much more.

I saw Dark of the Moon on the Friday of its opening weekend in a packed theater, but as I write this review a week and a half later I’m struggling to come up with images, scenes, or even characters from the movie that made an impression on me.  It’s not that the movie didn’t have its moments…it’s that nothing really stands out.  When I think of other big-budget disaster movies like 2012 or The Towering Inferno, certain images come to mind like Woody Harrelson watching Yellowstone Park explode, or Paul Newman strapping himself to a pillar in an attempt to survive a flood of water.  But with Dark of the Moon it’s all a blur, like someone took all the elements that are supposed to make up a cool summer blockbuster and threw them together without stopping to consider whether any of it really mattered.

transformers-dark-of-moon-Shia-LaBeouf-Sam-Witwicky

Believe it or not, all he did was press "PC LOAD LETTER" on the copy machine.

One of the most pressing issues with Bay’s treatment of Hasbro’s cartoon begat as a vehicle for selling toys is that his tone just doesn’t work. The original Transformers cartoons, as well as the 1986 animated movie which exceedingly surpasses Bay’s films in every way possible, were serious but fun in a campy sort of way.  Bay’s films are serious but attempt to be fun in a wince-inducing sort of way.  Juxtaposing world-is-at-stake alien invasions and Black Hawk Down-style demolition setpieces with scenes of our intrepid hero Sam Witwicky (Shia LeBoeuf, as spastic as ever) making out with his Barbie doll girlfriend or trading barbs with sarcastic transformers on his living room couch just doesn’t work.  Mistaking the Transformers universe for Bad Boys III, Bay can’t help but infuse his own brand of crass humor and off-color inappropriateness (this film is marketed to young boys, with a section at Wal-Mart selling Bumblebee and Optimus Prime bedsheets and sun visors) into a film where it simply has no reason to be.

That being said, some parts of Dark of the Moon really were amazing to behold in a July 4 fireworks “oohh…aahh” sort of way. Watching Optimus Prime lay waste to a horde of decepticons during the siege of Chicago was pretty awesome, and Bay really does pull out most of the stops in creating an avalanche of destruction in the third act of the film.  There’s even a modicum of something approaching plot depth, which a bit of unexpected double-crossing and other grade-school-level turncoat action.  All the human characters in this film exist to fulfill one-dimensional casting calls:  Tough Military Dude, Hot Girlfriend, Wacky Parents, Slick Boss, Spunky Kid, and so on.  In the first of Bay’s films these characters had something called motive, (Captain Lennox even spent a minute pining for his wife and baby girl back home in the first movie, but in Dark of the Moon his character does nothing but grunt and shoot) but here all individuals exist solely to propel the action forward and spout bits of plot exposition.  Like I said at the start, all this is to be expected given the film’s pedigree, but it’s just too bad the film doesn’t strive to do anything but wow and amaze an audience.  In the end, Shakespeare himself put it best: “it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

Rating:[Rating:3/5]

Anvil: The Story of Anvil

Anvil: The Story of AnvilThis Is Spinal Tap is one of the most well-known documentaries to be released in the past 30 years.  It tells the story of a has-been heavy metal band that is about to embark on an American tour (dubbed “Tap into America”) while promoting their new album Smell The Glove.  And even though things get off to a fairly decent start, problems start to creep up: poor management, disastrous prop mishaps, and lagging ticket sales lead to a near-implosion of the band as lead guitarist Nigel Tufnel walks offstage during a show at an Air Force hangar.  Along the way we get glimpses into the individuals behind the band like Tufnel, whose custom guitar amplifiers go up to 11, and his friend and rhythm guitarist David St. Hubbins, whose romantic involvement with the band manager leads to all kinds of problems.  It would be tragically sad if it were true, but fortunately, it’s all a fake documentary from the brilliant minds of Christopher Guest (who plays Tufnel) and director Rob Reiner.  It’s an entertaining and sublimely hilarious look at the strange world of Rock ‘n Roll, and one of the funniest movies of all time.  Viewers with so much as a modicum of appreciation for the music scene watch and laugh because, like all good comedy, it’s funny because it’s true.

But what if it really were true? What if Spinal Tap really were a band haplessly careening toward obscurity with all the power a Marshall amp could muster? Would their plight still be funny, or would viewers watch in horror like rubberneckers observing a car wreck, drawn to the experience but shocked at what they see? Anvil: The Story of Anvil begs just such a question, along with a host of others, and in the process of exploring the careers of this motley crew of quinquagenarians struggling to polish the dust off their aging heavy metal careers with a European tour and a new album, we get not only an intensely intimate look at the lives of these musicians but an incredibly powerful story of perseverance, friendship, and dedication.  And a whole lot of heavy metal.

Anvil: The Story of Anvil

Sure they might be collecting social security, but the guys in Anvil can stand toe-to-toe with any heavy metal band out there.

The film documents the band’s rise to popularity at the height of heavy metal’s popularity in the mid-1980s, when lightning-fast guitar riffs were melded with overblown stage personas, and bands like Metallica, Guns and Roses, Van Halen, and Def Leppard could sell out the biggest arenas in the world.  And in the middle of it all was Anvil, an act hailing from Toronto that stood toe-to-toe with the best metal bands around and whose influence carried over to guitarists like Slash and drummers like Lars Ulrich.  But for whatever reason, Anvil never found commercial success like so many of their peers, and spent the next three decades wandering directionless in a changing musical wasteland. They recorded twelve albums, none of which made more than the faintest blip on any type of cultural radar.  And yet, through it all, the band persisted–jamming, recording, playing shows whenever and wherever they could.  This is where things really get interesting, though, as director (and childhood friend of lead guitarist Steve “Lips” Kudlow) Sacha Gervasi follows Anvil throughout Europe that is so horribly botched the band misses trains, fights with bar owners, and plays shows with less than a dozen people in the audience.

Through it all, and through the process of recording a new record with fabled heavy metal producer Chris Tsangarides, Lips and drummer Robb Reiner never cease to give up on their dream to be rock stars, and that’s where the real heart of this documentary lies.  These two live for one thing: to be rock stars, and they will do whatever it takes to get there. Even if it means working a day job delivering school hot lunches, asking relatives for money to finance a recording session, or taking a telemarketing gig selling knockoff sunglasses.  Like their fictional counterparts in Spinal Tap, they have more than their fair share of hard knocks, but if whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, Anvil has to be one of the toughest acts in the world.  Interviews with friends, family, and music industry insiders reveal how much the deck is stacked against these aging headbangers, but Lips’ persistent optimism and good-natured attitude, not to mention Reiner’s almost-unwavering commitment to the band, keep things grounded in stark contrast to many of the stars of the music scene we see in the news today.  Anvil: The Story of Anvil is an exceedingly heartbreaking but ultimately fulfilling and supremely rewarding story of what it means to never give up on your dreams.

Rating:[Rating:4.5/5]

Speed

SpeedAdd up all the elements that come together in this movie and it seems destined for failure: A first-time director helming an overblown summer action flick about a bus that can’t slow down or it will blow up, starring the guy who played Ted Logan in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, the guy who played Harry Dunne from Dumb and Dumber, and a completely unknown actress named Sandra Bullock.  And let’s not forget some of the movies that were competing with Speed for moviegoers’ pocketbooks during the summer of 1994: James Cameron’s True Lies, a little flick from Disney you might have heard of called The Lion King, and let’s not forget a movie about a box of chocolates that blew the doors off the box office.  Yes, it seems Speed was destined for obscurity in the Wal-Mart bargain bin even before it went into production.

And yet, in a feat that defied all expectations, Speed blew into multiplexes with the force of a runaway subway car and took cineplex patrons entirely by surprise.  Jan de Bont’s “Die Hard on a bus” concept is a mix of incredible action setpieces, tight direction, and solid dialog thanks to some script doctoring by Joss Wheedon.  It’s a classic action hero movie we just don’t see anymore, pitting one man against impossible odds and a hilariously insane villain mastermind.  Throw in all kinds of explosions and sassy female lead and you’ve got a recipe for a good old-fashioned summer blockbuster.  And perhaps that’s what makes Speed so darn good: you get exactly what you expect–nothing more, nothing less.

Speed: Sandra Bullock, Keanu Reeves

"Did you get the license plate number of that explosion?" "Whoa."

Things start off exactly as they should: with a tense elevator rescue scene that introduces us to the bad guy Howard Payne (played to the hilt by the late great Dennis Hopper) and the hero Jack Travern (Reeves), and perfectly explains Payne’s bad-guy motivation as clearly as if they were fingerpainted on a piece of posterboard.  Payne wants $3.7 million in cash, and wants it now.  If he doesn’t get it, people will die.  Since the movie poster shows an airborne bus escaping a massive explosion, it’s pretty much a foregone conclusion that the elevator rescue will succeed and the bad guy will continue doing nefarious deeds until he gets his money.  Turns out the very next day, as Reeves is going about his regular-dude business like getting coffee and meeting average friendly LA citizens, Payne sets another plan in motion (har!) involving a busload of passengers that will explode if the bus goes below 50 miles per hour.  And the only one who can save the day?  If I have to tell you, you’re clearly not paying attention.

What follows is a series of increasingly implausible destruction scenes as the bus, driven by regular-chick Annie Porter (Bullock) after the real driver is shot, careens through all manner of urban obstacles like traffic jams, parked cars, road barricades, and even a 50-foot high ramp bridge. Just as crazy as the scenarios are, though, what’s even more amazing is that it all works thanks to Keanu Reeves–it’s like the man genuinely, honestly believes in the character he’s playing. And his utter commitment to this overblown ‘splode-fest actually engages the audience all the more, not to mention the chemistry between him and Bullock, who completely upended the tired stereotype of hapless action movie heroines with her role as the unwitting bus driver.  I don’t know if they got any sort of nomination for best onscreen couple, but they certainly deserved it.

Speed is not to be taken seriously, but it is without a doubt one of the most entertaining popcorn-style action flicks you’ll find.

Rating:[Rating:4/5]

Close Encounters of the Third Kind

Close Encounters of the Third KindAs we head into another summer movie season full of action, dudes built like mack trucks, and explosions galore, I thought it would be fitting to take a step back to an earlier time before films were all about spectacle and marketing tie-ins.  Close Encounters of the Third Kind is, in many ways, the best kind of science fiction even though there are virtually no explosions and we only get glimpses of aliens or spaceships until the very end.  Directed by Steven Spielberg, one of the masters of the genre, it follows the story of average dude Roy Neary (Richard Dreyfuss, fresh on the heels of another little movie he did with Spielberg) who gets a tad too close to an alien spaceship one strange night while out in his pickup truck investigating a widespread power outage.  Over the next few days he starts having visions of an object that he feels compelled to re-create in paintings, clay, and mashed potatoes at the dinner table.  Meanwhile, other people around the country are having similar visions and experiencing otherworldly phenomena, most notably Barry Guiler, a kid with a curious bent who wanders a bit too far from his mom one night only to get picked up by the invaders. Throughout all this we never actually see the aliens–only the effect they are having on the people who claim to have experienced these encounters.

While North America is being sent into a tizzy trying to deal with the strange phenomenae, entire squadrons of missing World War II aircraft are discovered in the desert in mint condition.  It’s these strange events that cause French scientist Claude Lancombe to investigate the matter further, leading to the eventual discovery of a probably location for an alien landing site along with five distinct musical tones that might possibly lead to a method of communicating with the extra terrestrials.  Keep in mind there’s no gunfights, and no national monuments are singled out for destruction.  In many ways, Close Encounters of the Third Kind more accurately resembles a cerebral thriller or mystery like Inception or Vertigo rather than a traditional science fiction movie, but it’s these qualities that make it anything but traditional.  And yet, Spielberg keeps things engaging and interesting throughout, while building up to a climax that is as massive in scope as anything we might see in a multiplex today.

Close Encounters: Roy Neary

Roy Neary, searching for meaning in a pile of clay.

Just as E.T. was first and foremost a story about divorce that also happened to involve aliens from another planet, Close Encounters is a story about family that is struggling to stay together despite the father’s descent into madness.  Roy Neary is a good guy who is overcome with strange visions, and pushes his family away while they struggle to deal with changes they cannot hope to understand.  The focus is kept squarely on Neary’s quest for understanding, Jillian Guiler’s search for her son, and their refusal to accept anything other than concrete answers.  Strangely, there is little to be found in the way of redemption, as Neary makes some very unexpected choices near the end–choices that Spielberg himself has since admitted he would change if he were to make the movie today.  But these unconventional choices made by Neary lend an authentic quality to the movie that is fairly unique in modern cinema, and coupled with the stunningly realistic special effects that can easily hold their own against anything Hollywood has to offer today, catapult Close Encounters to the upper echelon of cinematic science fiction. This one is not to be missed by anyone who is a fan of the genre, or anyone who just likes good movies.

Rating:[Rating:4.5/5]

The Naked Gun and Police Academy

The Naked GunPolice AcademyBefore delving into a real comparison of these two movies, I should probably offer a disclaimer.  While I am using the category “Comedy” to file these movies here on Walking Taco, only one actually qualifies.  The Naked Gun is indeed a comedy by any definition: it’s smart and quick-witted, with a host of jokes ranging from cheap visual gags to elaborately constructed setpieces that go to great lengths just to get a laugh.  It also stars one of the funniest comic actors in the last three decades: Leslie Nielsen, whose deadpan delivery and impeccable comic timing have yet to be replicated.  Police Academy, however, is about as far from a comedy as a movie could possibly be.  Full of a cast of dull one-dimensional characters, painfully obvious setups leading to head-smacking punchlines that are an insult even to middle-school humor, this cinematic travesty is a turkey I would not wish upon anyone.  And it’s big star?  That dubious distinction goes to…(drum roll please)…Steve Guttenberg.  *sigh*

So what’s left to write about?  A lot, actually.

Frank Drebin

Frank Drebin, kicking criminal behinds and taking names...if only he could find a notepad.

Nearly every comic send-up today owes a huge debt to comedies like The Naked Gun and its forebears, Top Secret! and of course Airplane! (Because sometimes a title just needs an exclamation mark to, you know, really nail the point.) These types of spoofs work well because they offer pitch-perfect parodies of their subject matter (police movies, Elvis movies, and disaster movies, respectively) while never taking themselves seriously.  The Naked Gun, like most good parodies, has a plot that would actually work well in and of itself: the queen of England is coming to town, but her visit is put in grave danger by the threat of an assassin.  Veteran detective Frank Drebin (Nielsen) is called upon to protect the queen while also investigating the attempted murder of his longtime partner Nordberg (O.J. Simpson, who flexes an impressive set of comedy chops).  This fairly mundane premise offers fertile ground for all kinds of jokes and sight gags, and hardly any scene goes by without some kind of pun, joke, or visual absurdity.  While some fall flat, creators David and Jerry Zucker take a quantity-over-quality joke, flooding the movie with such a massive amount of comic moments that it’s impressive to behold.  From the opening credits, which are shown while the camera sits atop a police car, siren blaring, that careens through all kinds of strange locales including gritty city streets, a car wash, and a suburban living room, we know exactly what kind of movie it’s going to be.

Carey Mahoney.  Um...yeah.

Carey Mahoney. Um...yeah.

Police Academy, by contrast, stumbles from the opening scene and only gets worse from there out.  During the opening credits we are told point blank (violating one of the most basic rules of storytelling, show don’t tell) that the mayor of the city has declared that the police academy will accept anyone regardless of age, physical fitness, or education level.  Get it? Lots of crazy people are going to be put through cop training!  Oh gosh, I wonder what kind of wacky hijinks they will come up with!  …*sigh*…  Sure enough, we get a checklist of stupid characters so generic it almost hurts:  the dumb fat guy, the over-zealous military wannabe, the suave Latino, the silly black guy, the serious black guy, the hot chick, and finally our (supposedly) good-looking bad boy Carey Mahoney (Gutenberg).  Any and all attempts at humor land with a dull thud, such as when the fat guy (honestly, character names don’t even matter) shows up and asks Mahoney about the Academy.  Mahoney, who is desperate to get thrown out of the place, tells him that the Commandant’s house is the main office.  Gee, I wonder what will happen next?  Yup, you guessed it.  The stupid fat guy goes in the front door, continues through the living room, and accidentally walks in on the Commandant’s wife while she is taking a shower.  I mean seriously, it’s such an insipid setup for such a dumb joke I just about shut the movie off right then and there lest I actually get dumber while watching.  And the hope that maybe, just maybe, things would improve.

Nope…every single “joke” is just as stupid.  I honestly tried to find something funny in Police Academy, but like The Hangover, the film relies on raunch, substituting filth for funny.  It’s a startling contrast to The Naked Gun, which is funny because it takes serious situations and turns them on their head in hilarious ways you would never expect.  E. B. White said that analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies. Rather than taking apart an amphibian, I would suggest that anyone interested in finding out what makes something funny just watch The Naked Gun and Police Academy.  Or better yet, just skip the latter and watch The Naked Gun twice.

Rating:

The Naked Gun[Rating:4.5/5]

Police Academy[Rating:0.5/5]

Unstoppable

UnstoppableTony Scott is kind of like the Toyota Corolla of directors.  He’s not your go-to guy when you want creativity, exceptional storytelling, or cinematic wonder.  But he’s reliable, always gets the job done, and you will probably have some fun along the way too.  Having never achieved quite the level of notoriety as his older brother Ridley Scott, creator of groundbreaking films like Alien and Blade Runner, he has nonetheless careved out a comfortable niche for himself over the years by churning out action films ranging from decent to pretty darn good.  You might have never heard of his movies Deja Vu, Spy Game, or Crimson Tide (and if not, you should definitely check them out) but titles like Days of Thunder and Top Gun will definitely ring a bell.  Unstoppable fits perfectly within the Tony Scott catalog, offering an engaging thrill ride with likable characters and just enough explosions to keep the crowd cheering.

Like another movie about a fast-moving vehicle that cannot be stopped, Unstoppable is about as straightforward as they come: a runaway train full of (what else?) toxic waste must be stopped before it ravages the Pennsylvania countryside, not to mention another train full of (because if you’re gonna go, you might as well go all the way) young schoolchildren. The Commonwealth’s only hope for salvation from certain doom lies in the hands of grizzled “I’ve seen it all, son” train engineer Frank (Denzel Washington, doing his working-man schtick) and young wet-behind-the-ears punk conductor Will (Chris Pine, whose steel-blue eyes lit up the screen a couple years ago as Captain Kirk).  Sure this unlikely pair starts off on the wrong foot, what with Will’s penchant for disobedience and Frank’s insistence on always following the rules.  But when a typical day of switching train cars and hauling freight goes spiraling out of control, who ya gonna call?

Unstoppable: Denzel Washington

Because there aren't enough hero shots of Denzel Washington on top of a train.

The curious thing about Unstoppable is that our heroes spend pretty much the entire movie confined to a closet-sized train cab, while most of the action happens entirely out of their control.  Frank and Will are not on the runaway train, but on another train traveling on the same tracks.  If this were The French Connection, Bullitt, or another prototypical chase movie, vehicles would be careening about while exploding all manner of flotsam and jetsam. But Scott wisely builds tension with escalating doomsday scenarios that start with the possible impact of the train with a couple of horses and ends with the possibility of the runaway train essentially transforming a good chunk of blue-collar Pennsylvania into a toxic wasteland.  And while the archetypal corporate types at Railroad HQ want to simply derail the train and cut their losses, Frank decides to take matters into his own hands and essentially run down the train with the locomotive he and Will are riding in, couple to it, and throw their engine in reverse.  It’s a plan that’s so crazy it just might work.

The real life scenario upon which this movie is based was nowhere near as dramatic as Scott’s version, but the conductors were no less heroic than their Hollywood counterparts.  But the other characters are a little too overwrought and one-dimensional to be taken seriously.  From the railroad president, who pauses his game of golf just long enough to ask if the runaway train will affect his company’s stock price, to the horrendously incompetent train engineer who is responsible for the train’s escape in the first place, everyone whose name is not on the movie poster is pretty much here to deliver obvious exposition or blatantly further the conflict.  It’s not a bad thing, though, as this keeps the focus of the movie sharp and uncluttered.  And through smart pacing and a couple decent side-plots involving other characters attempting to bring the runaway train to a halt, Unstoppable succeeds at being a thoroughly entertaining action movie that really does a good job of keeping viewers engaged and (dare I say it? Yes I think so) on the edge of their seats.

Rating:[Rating:4/5]