| The Many Faces of Addiction
by Drew Wicks
January 10, 2006
Hello. My name is Drew, and I'm an addict. I'm not addicted to what most people would assume. I've only tried drugs once. It was marajuana, and that was about 12 years ago. I do drink, but it's only occasional. I had a few drinks on New Years Eve, and before that, I don't remember the last one. But that's not is either. Nor am I addicted to sex. I've been with three girls in my life, I'm prepairing to marry one of them in a few months, and I can't even imagine cheating on her. No, my addiction of choice is a more common addiction. In fact, I would say that it is probably the last acceptible form of addiction left in the world, and in the U.S., it's starting to change. My drug of choice in tobacco. My name is Drew, and I'm a smoker. |
|
I started smoking about two or three years ago. It was a social thing. I was living with a friend of mine, who smoked at the time, and just hanging out with her on a regular basis, I gave it a shot. The first puff was like nothing I've felt before. I was dizzy, I was short of breath, but it felt good. It was like all of my stress was flying away every time I released a stream of smoke. It was exciting, it was, in a strange way, fulfilling, and I was hooked.
I knew when I picked up my first cigarette the dangers of smoking. I've read the articles explaining tat smoking causes cancer. I've seen first hand that it causes emphasema, my grandfather has it. I knew that is causes shortmess of breath and incrased heart problems and all the like. I was well aware that it can stain your teeth, give you bad breath, decrease your looks and all. All of that didn't matter at the time, it felt good.
My friends were the first to speak out. Many, if not all, of them were on me constantly to stop. I respected their wishes not to be around it. I stoped smoking around them. My mom didn't want me to smoke in the house unless I was in my room. I closed the door and opened the window. Of course children ddn't have a choice, and I didn't want to force them to be around it, so I didn't smoke around kids. (At the sane time, I wasn't around kids very much.) Basicly, I created rules for myself to justify what I was doing. It wasn't fair to anyone that cared about me, and it wasn't fair to myself.
Then I started dating my fiance. I had managed to stop for a month or so at the time, but she knew that I had smoked before. Needless to say, something upset me (I don't remember what, it's usually not important, it's just an excuse) and I boutght another pack. She didn't say much at first. She probably just thought is was a passing thing. Eventually, though, she became more vocal. She would say things like "I don't like that you smoke" but nothing more. It took her a long time to say what she wanted to say: "Stop smoking!"
Finally, I stopped. At least for a while. I told myself that an occasional cigarette wasn't a big deal. Several stores in my area sell single cagarettes, so I took advantage of that. After a while, it was one single cagarette a day. On occasion, more than one, but I told myself that buying singles was not as bad as buying a pack. Once again, an excuse ot keep up my habit.
I've come to a conclusion, though. I've got to stop. I'm getting married in a few months, and I don't want to start a marrage with a hovering around, no matter how big or small it may be. Also, we're talking about starting a family in a year of two. I'd actually like to ba able to keep up with my kids in the back yard without running out of breath. I would also like to set an example for them. My mom's parents have smoked for as long as I can remember. My dad's sister has been smoking for years. I've been around smoking all my life, and I'd like my kids not to have to deal with that.
I don't have anything against smokers. Nor do I wish them any ill will. Smoking, just like any addiction, is tough to quit, and the slightest thing can send one into relapse. Have you ever wondered why smokers are easily irritated for weeks after they quit? Their bosy is going through withdrawal. Quiting is no easy task. I've done it three times already, and I'm going for the fourth. The only thing that can keep me from smoking again is the helpfrom God. That may not be the way for others to quit, but that's how I'm going to do it. I say, if you want to quit smoking, do it however you feel you need to and don't look back. If you don't want to quit, I can respect that, but be mindful of others and respectful of their feelings and personal health. Or, you can stub out that butt and reclaim your health, your well-being, and yourself.
Then again, who's to say I won't cave in tomorrow and buy another one? All I can do is take it one day at a time. Hopefully, each day from here on out will be owned by me, and not the Philip Morris Corporation.
Leave feedback in the Forums
|
