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True Grit (2010)

December 31, 2010 by

The Coen Brothers have been on a winning streak for quite some time.  Now the raves have been spooling over their remake of the John Wayne classic True Grit and I haven’t the faintest idea why—other than the fact that they are the Coen Brothers.  Not to say this is a particularly bad movie by any means, but it practically left my mind about as quickly as it entered it.

Set in the 1880s, willful 14-year-old girl Matty Ross (Hailee Steinfeld) hires the wild one-eyed sheriff Rooster Cogburn (Jeff Bridges) to track down her father’s murderer, Tom Chaney (Josh Brolin) en route through Indian territory.  Texas Ranger LeBoeuf (Matt Damon) joins Matty and Rooster for the manhunt.  LeBoeuf wants Chaney to hang in Texas for crimes committed in the state.  Matty wants to see him at the end of the noose for her father’s murder.  Let the trademark Coen banter ensue, as True Grit quickly evolves from its revenge western saga shell into a full blown comedy.

Yes, that’s right.  True Grit is not the movie being advertised in TV spots.  What we really have here is a witty, dialogue-driven comedy with sprinkles of violence.  Very reminiscent of the Coen’s Fargo, I ate up the back-and-forth between Damon, Bridges, and Steinfeld.  Steinfeld especially carries her own here, and I see Oscar smiling down on her fondly in the future.  Much has been said about Bridges in the title role, and I have to say his interpretation of Cogburn is a puzzling one.  His drawl becomes so mumbled and distorting that I had trouble sorting through his words.  I think he finds the heart of the character, but I didn’t find his performance all that engaging.  For me, the movie was really the Steinfeld show.

All of this admiration for the writing and comedy leaves me wondering where the ‘grit’ went.  I enjoyed the Coen Brothers lighting a signature spark here, but I left True Grit craving for a little more drama—something eventful perhaps.  The Coens grace us with a parody of a Western, and while the comedy no doubt worked out well, I felt like the movie came to a close in a bit of an incomplete fashion.  Of course it ends in a shootout of good guys and bad guys, but there’s little intensity or excitement in the pursuit.  Even Josh Brolin’s mug doesn’t make an appearance until the final ten minutes or so.  True Grit is a well-made, well-written film that left a void unfulfilled.

[Rating:3/5]

Filed Under: Comedy, Western Tagged With: , , , , ,

Devil

December 29, 2010 by

Five people with curious backgrounds are trapped in a skyscraper elevator.  One of them may be the devil.  Can any of them get out alive?  Mourning Det. Bowden (Chris Messina) arrives on the scene to try and rescue the victims trapped in a predicament that quickly evolves into a homicide case as the supernatural enacts its vengeance on guilty souls.

Devil unfortunately was met with a dismal box-office reception in theaters.  Could this be attributed to the reputation of Producer M. Night Shyamalan (who also receives a story credit) whose career continues to dive?  Many were duped by the marketing into thinking the Shamster directed this, and that may have impacted the film’s potential and credibility.  The actual director, John Erick Dowdle (Quarantine) actually delivers a swift and engaging 80-minute horror film that consistently provides great character drama, classic whodunit mystery, all enveloped in a slick supernatural package.

I have minor criticisms involving how some of that supernatural ‘knowledge’ gets played out through a security guard character watching the murderous madness unfold.  It feels very Shyamalan-esque to have the devil’s playtime story spoon-fed to the audience through a character who knows everything about the situation, especially when it would be much wiser to simply leave that explanation out entirely.  The audience is smart enough to know the devil can be up to no good.

Luckily that complaint is small in comparison to what this overlooked and underrated horror gem has to offer.  Ignore what you think you might know about the film.  It’s a doozy of a little shocker and a very entertaining supernatural thriller from beginning to end—the best film Shyamalan never directed.

[Rating:4/5]

Filed Under: Horror, Mystery Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Wild Hogs

December 27, 2010 by

Wild HogsWild Hogs is based on a premise not unlike so many throwaway sitcoms: take a few ecclectic personalities, put them in a unique or singular situation, and watch the hilarity unfold. And like so many throwaway sitcoms, the concept actually has starts out well with some genuine sparks of creativity but quickly loses its way and gets mired in a hopeless rut of infantile scatalogical gags and cheap jokes for which someone clearly forgot to pen a punch line. The situation here is a road trip, and the characters are as generic as one could ask for: four middle-aged men longing to recapture their glory days after being faced with the clear revelation that their best years may have passed them by. This group of friends, who call themselves the Wild Hogs, used to be (or so we are told) something of a daring troupe of young firestarters. Having succumbed to the Hollywood faux-realities of suburban life, they decide one day to take a motorcycle trip to the coast with the wind at their backs and no rules or women to get in their way. (This being a Hollywood movie, the women in these men’s lives serve as little more than one-dimensional facades with bullet points of characterization: nag, berate, belittle your man.)

The meta-joke here is that the four guys are played by somewhat washed-up movie stars seeking, ostensibly, to recapture a bit of their former fame. John Travolta, Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence, and William H. Macy, who seem just as out of place and uncomfortable in leather jackets and do-rags as one could imagine, do their best to act like lifelong buddies when it’s pretty clear they all just showed up to flash a grin and collect a paycheck. Nevertheless, they do form an entertaining bunch of buds, and Allen and Lawrence riff on each other with at least a shadow of the biting wit and sarcasm on which they built their careers more than a decade ago. Travolta must have thought he was filming Face/Off Part 2, as he spends most of the movie acting like an over-the-top Nicolas Cage. And that’s saying something.  We are supposed to believe the Wild Hogs are a close-knit group of lifelong friends, but the chemistry just isn’t there.  Instead they seem like a group of four guys who are getting paid to act as if they are lifelong friends.  Oh, wait.

Wild Hogs: Tim Allen

"This one time on Home Improvement, Jill was mad at me so I got advice from Wilson. And then I made fun of Al's mom!"

Once they shrug off the chains of women, kids, jobs, and escape from the seventh level of hades known in Hollywood as “marriage,” they find themselves careening down the highway without any worries, cares, or cell phones in order to recapture a bit of the good ol’ days.  But sure enough, things get out of hand pretty quickly as they encounter overbearing policemen, tent fires, and a paint-by-numbers motorcycle gang called the Del Fuegos who does not suffer posers gladly.  It’s too bad that the road trip has so many missed opportunities, as this type of setup is essentially a blank canvas for which to create any number of potentially funny situations.  But rather than trying to be creative or interesting, the movie races straight to junior-high humor and stays there.  We are treated to gags about bodily fluids, mishaps with wild animals, and a scene in which the guys decide to go skinny dipping in a hot spring only to be interrupted by (who else?) an unsuspecting vacationing family (oh the hilarity!).  Of all the possibilities afforded by the road trip setup and the four talented actors on display here, we instead get poop jokes and gay cops.

Something resembling a conflict enters the mix when the Wild Hogs set out to save a small town from the terrorizing throes of the  Del Fuegos and their schoolyard bully leader Jack (Ray Liotta).  Dudley (William H. Macy) also finds himself a love interest named Maggie (Marisa Tomei) who runs the local diner and could sure use a biker in shining leather to save her from the mean Del Fuego men.  Like the rest of the movie, it’s a by-the-book setup that plays out exactly how you think it will, which is again kind of sad given the sheer number of missed opportunities to be truly creative.  And despite good performances from Allen, Lawrence, and Liotta, there is very little here to recommend to anyone.

Rating:[Rating:1/5]

Filed Under: Comedy Tagged With: , , , , ,

The Fighter

December 23, 2010 by

With no shortage of first-class boxing dramas in the last forty years, it seems only fitting that The Fighter join former heavyweight champs Rocky, Raging Bull, Million Dollar Baby, The Hurricane, Cinderella Man, and Ali as a major contender in the ring of motion picture greatness.  David O’Russell’s darkly funny and tragic film springs from the ropes this holiday season, boasting some of the year’s standout performances and solidifying its place as a serious contender for award recognition.

The Fighter focuses on 1980s Lowell, Massachusetts boxer Micky Ward.  Never heard of him?  Neither had I.  Oscar nominee Mark Wahlberg takes on the role of the 31-year-old small-town fighter whose quest for success in the ring is hindered by the extreme dysfunction of his family.  Completely overshadowing him is older half-brother Dicky Eklund (Christian Bale), a former boxer under the weight of a severe drug addiction.  He spends his time training Micky and participates in a ‘real-life’ documentary in development by HBO that he thinks is chronicling his big comeback—Dicky did knock Sugar Ray Leonard down once upon a time (or so he believes).  Micky’s mother (Melissa Leo) acts as his manager, finding big fights to put her son on the map—fights that nearly land him in a coffin.  With her line-up of crazy sisters to back her up, Micky’s mother and most of his family fail to realize how ignorant they are of the man’s own desires and goals.  Enter Charlene (Amy Adams), a local bartender who sees potential in Micky and the madness of those closest to him holding him back from greatness.  When she begins a relationship with him, Micky starts to understand from an outside perspective just how buried he is and decides to seek out new management and training, a choice that will hopefully lead him to a shot at the Welterweight title.  In the process it may cost him the only life he’s ever known and the only family he’s ever had.

Luckily Director O’Russell knows not to let The Fighter remain yet another underdog boxing story—it is exactly that to be sure—but the film keeps its eyes fixated on the emotional strings and hardships tied between Micky and his family.  This isn’t a movie about ‘boxing’, it’s a film about a boxer and the people enveloping his existence.  We follow these characters and believe them wholeheartedly, partly because they are so well-acted, and also partly because they are based on truth.  In many ways I can understand the criticism of Micky’s character being completely overshadowed and dull in comparison to the supporting characters around him, but I believe that’s the point of the story.  Eventually Charlene becomes exactly what Micky’s family became, and Micky can’t please anybody because no one wants to let him make his own decisions in life.  Micky is constantly overlooked and left unheard while everyone else directs his path.  Mark Wahlberg captures the stress of his character beat for beat, and because he isn’t portraying a showy and rigorous character as attention-hogging as Bale or Leo, it doesn’t make him any less powerful.  Wahlberg’s dedication to the role and to making sure this movie was produced shows clearly.

Christian Bale lights a fire hard to extinguish.  Once he enters the film from the get-go he dominates his every scene.  Bale has been known to be completely consumed by the characters he plays, and he plays Dicky Eklund as though it’s the performance of his career.  Again shedding the poundage as he did in The Machinist years back, Bale portrays Dicky as consciously lost as can be.  The performance wreaks of despair and hilarity in equal measure, and I mean that as a compliment.  Much of The Fighter comes across surprisingly and overwhelmingly darkly comical, but I suppose this is a David O’Russell film.  Bale seems perfectly tuned to the tone of the film and is able to deliver a very complex performance that the Academy will be hard pressed to dismiss.  And don’t forget about former nominee Melissa Leo as Micky’s dominating, guilt-tripping mother either—she’s as engulfed as Bale and as equally heartbreaking.

The Fighter has a lot to say to audiences.  It is extremely dark, comical, heartbreaking, gritty, exciting and often painful—a grab-bag of emotional drama.  You come away from a movie like this rooting for the protagonist and yet feeling extremely thankful you didn’t endure his situation (or come from a family as dysfunctional as his).  Many viewers may be turned away from the harshness of some of the material on display here, but this is Micky’s story and O’Russell serves it up for all it’s worth and delivers a brutal knockout that had me floored.

[Rating:4.5/5]

Filed Under: Drama, Sports Tagged With: , , , ,

Tron Legacy

December 21, 2010 by

Greetings once again, Walking Taco readers!

I’ve been MIA for a bit, but as a newlywed, I’m sure you’ll forgive me for spending less time at my computer, and more time with my wife.

Speaking of spending time with my wife, we made it out to the theatre for the first time in a while to see the new film Tron Legacy. Now, once upon a time, I saw the original Tron, and I remember at the time thinking it was cool, and edgy, and all the effects were so ahead of their time. (which they were) But nowadays, Tron holds on to the hearts of the masses through the sheer willpower of nostalgia. It’s similar to how fans approached the Star Wars prequels. They loved the originals, so why wouldn’t it be 10 times better with new visual effects, right?

Quick summary – Sam Flynn, son of Kevin Flynn, a game designer from the 80s, is inactive CEO of Encom, a Microsoft-esque company his father started before his sudden disappearance. After 20 years of being out of his life, a friend of his father’s receives a page. Sam goes to the arcade his father used to run, discovers a hidden room and running workstation, and inadvertently inserts himself into “the Grid”, a digital world his father created. Once here he meets his father, discovers a plot by a program his father created called “CLU” and strikes out with his father to escape the Grid and stop CLU from carrying out his evil plan.

To quote Will Smith "I have got to get me one of these!"

Tron Legacy was, to be frank, a visual effects feast. Similar to how thrilled I was in Superman Returns to see Superman moving in a freeform fashion instead of laying on a bluescreen table and leaning left and right, it was thrilling to see light cycles and disc battles using today’s cutting-edge CGI technology. These scenes were the first to be presented to the fans over a year ago, and really, they’re probably the coolest elements to the film. Alas, they are also the shortest scenes of the film. I would say in the over 2-hour runtime, you see maybe 5 minutes of disc battles, and 8 minutes of light cycles. Oh, there are plenty of other CGI effects, including the entire world of the Grid, but those two sequences are what fans of the original came to see, and they deliver in a way only nostalgia-fueled reminiscing can fully enjoy.

Jeff's evil twin-brother - Faux Bridges

There is, of course, one other major CGI element, and that is the young version of Jeff Bridges. The makers of Tron Legacy decided that to make a 20-year younger Jeff Bridges, they’d use the same motion capture technology used to make Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen look younger for X3. Problem is, it looked creepy then, and it looked creepy now. Long ago, people at Pixar realized that trying to make CG people look 100% real was very off-putting to audiences. There are so many imperfections to human expression that to attempt to recreate it in a computer almost always resulted in an indescribably unnatural effect. So, Pixar steered clear and went with the more cartoony humans we know and love.

I do have to say that I’m okay with this concept when the technology is used to create CLU, the avatar version of Flynn, because he exists solely in a computer world, and could therefore look artificial. However, when they try to pass it off for the few real world scenes, it’s eerie, and discomforting to watch. I appreciate that they tried, and didn’t just use a lot of back shots and cleverly concealed faces, but maybe casting a younger actor to play Flynn in those few flashback scenes would have been a better bet. They also used this technique for Bruce Boxleitner to create the younger version of Tron, who makes a few appearances via flashback, but it was far less noticeable in these scenes.

Outside of the effects, this movie is fairly lackluster. The acting is passable, but never really reaches any sort of noteworthy performance. Perhaps the closest would be Olivia Wilde as Quorra, who has to have an almost child-like, artificiality to her, and she does this well. Martin Sheen takes a break from his overly dramatic roles to do a mean David Bowie impression as Castor, Beau Garrett gets her first notable role playing some spandex-clad eye candy as Gem.

The plot of the film is clearly aimed at fans of the original, relying on a lot of “wink wink” allusions to the first film in order to garner full enjoyment. It was predictable at times, and I found I had little emotional investment in the film, primarily because the characters lacked any emotional investment. After not seeing his father for the 20 most developmental years of his life, Sam and Kevin see each other and it’s merely a “haven’t seen you in a while *tear*… so, yeah, how about we get out of here?” moment. They circle the father-son relationship concept but never really delve too deeply into it. Kevin Flynn has the personality of a burned out druggie, ending most sentences with the colloquialism “man” to make sure the audience never forgets that he last left Earth in the 80s and was clearly a product of the 60s and 70s. Most of the other characters were artificial beings, so their lack of humanity is somewhat excusable.

You'd have to be "daft" to not enjoy this soundtrack!

The last note I have to make is in regards to the soundtrack, which is expertly executed by Daft Punk. Interestingly, this is the element of the film getting some of the most buzz. I can’t say that I’d want to listen to this Soundtrack much outside of the film, but as a part of the whole, it’s perfect. Plus their outfits are pretty much made to cameo in this film – which they do – so, bonus there.

Sort of a quick side note, we saw the film in 3D due to lack of other time options, and the film opened with a disclaimer saying many of the scenes are presented in 2D because that’s how they were intended. I applaud Disney for the bold choice, however some scenes, such as the light cycles and many of the scenes in the Grid offered some very cool 3D effects, but the shift between 2D and 3D scenes was occasionally jarring, and not always justified. I could buy using 2D for the real world, and 3D for the Grid, sort of ala Wizard of Oz and its use of color, but not all of the Grid was in 3D, and sometimes it was just shots of a character standing there that got the upconvert, which made for a very disorienting moment. I leave it to you to decide if 3D is worth the extra money for you or not.

To sum up, Tron Legacy is an exciting return visit to the world of Tron, with a much needed update to the visual effects. The story is relatively flat, but serves to move us from one visual sequence to the next, and the acting is what it is for the confines of the story. For those that haven’t seen the original Tron, there’s a convenient bit of exposition at the beginning to catch you up, so you won’t be lost. (My wife hadn’t seen the original and still enjoyed the film.) I would say I enjoyed seeing the film, and would recommend seeing it in the theatres for the spectacle, just don’t expect Oscar-worthy film-making (outside of the CGI effects).

[Rating:3/5]

Filed Under: Movies, Science Fiction Tagged With: , , , , ,

Due Date

December 19, 2010 by

When I saw the previews for director Todd Phillips’ Due Date, it looked pretty obvious what I was getting myself into. On the surface, Due Date appeared to be a 21st century reboot of the 1987 comedy, Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, starring Steve Martin and John Candy. Planes is a classic. Martin and Candy are comedic legends. Trying to update a great film (even if they aren’t explicit about it) is always tricky business and rarely a good idea. Still, the previews, the re-teaming of Zach Galifianakis and Phillips, and the inclusion of Iron Man sucked me into believing it would be worth seeing. Sure, Due Date was sure to have its quirks. But coming off Phillips’ surprise hit The Hangover, it didn’t seem reasonable to think with Downey Jr. on board Due Date wouldn’t be another pleasant surprise and a interesting twist on old favorite. Sigh. While premise wise Due Date is almost a carbon copy of Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, Due Date derails (sorry, had to use it) somewhere between Alabama and the Grand Canyon.

Due Date is the story of workaholic Peter Highman (Downey Jr.) and his misadventures with fellow traveler Ethan Tremblay (Galifianakis). Highman is on business in Atlanta and needs to get home for the birth of his first child across the country in L.A. Normally just a few hour flight away, Highman is kicked off his flight and placed on the nation’s “no-fly list” while his bag and wallet are carried off on the flight without him. With few options and only five days to get home before the birth, Highman is offered and accepts a ride by a strange co-traveler, aspiring actor Ethan Tremblay. Let the hilarity ensue! Kinda…

To be fair, Due Date is not without its moments and Downey Jr. and Galifianakis do seem to have some comedic chemistry. Still, it seems most of the comedic set-ups and gags are wasted on the lowest common denominator, which becomes endlessly frustrating as the movie continues to develop. So many potentially hilarious moments are cut short or never develop at all just so that Galifianakis can do something completely over-the-top and bizarre. Sure, the thirteen year-old kid who snuck into the theater sitting behind me thought it was funny. But it’s not what I was hoping for.

The movie’s most glaring flaw comes in the form of the relationship that develops between Downey Jr. and Galifianakis. In Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, Candy and Martin develop a friendship that comes across as heartfelt and genuine in the movies final scenes. In Due Date, the friendship between the movie’s two leads seems bizarre and forced. I’m still scratching my head as to why Downey Jr. ever develops any sort of affinity towards Galifianakis other than the periodic drug usage that occurs during the movie. Galifianakis comes across as so over-the-top and sometimes downright disgusting that there is no conceivable way anyone in their right mind would be able to put up with him for five minutes let alone five days. That’s what was so brilliant about Candy’s character in Plains, Trains, and Automobiles. He is an everyman, an annoying and attention starved everyman, but still an everyman. Candy strikes the right balance between endearing and irritating. Galifianakis leaves us only with absolutely strange to the point of ludicrous.

In the end, Due Date was a serious let down. Sure, I laughed at times. But what could have been a nice update of a classic turned into a sophomoric affair. To say cheap gags and middle school boy humor abounds in this one is an understatement. This one might be worth a rental but definitely not worth the price of seeing it at your local megaplex. In fact, it might be more worth it to look up your local listings and see if the old John Candy and Steve Martin flick is on somewhere. It probably is, and it’s free and far more enjoyable.

Rating:[Rating:2/5]

Filed Under: Comedy Tagged With: , , , , ,

Man v. Food (Season 2)

December 17, 2010 by

Man vs. FoodMaybe it’s the excessive amounts of food I’ve been consuming this past week, thanks to various Christmas parties at work along with snacks that people have had around the office, but I think it’s high time I reviewed Man v. Food, Season 2.  The first season was a pleasant surprise, and I appreciated host Adam Richman’s unpretentious enjoyment of American cuisine.  Season 2 is in many ways just what one would expect:  more of Season 1.  But that’s not a bad thing at all.  The blue-collar premise of the show is pretty simple:  Richman visits diners and eateries around the country in search of good grub and doing his best to conquer the nation’s most (in)famous food challenges.  Sometimes he succeeds, sometimes he doesn’t, but it’s always a fun ride.

The basic gist of each episode remains roughly the same:  Richman travels to a particular city, such as Charleston, South Carolina, Boise, Idaho, or Tucson, Arizona, and visits three famous local restaurants in order to sample their food.  He doesn’t seek out fine dining or haute cuisine,  just good food recommended by the locals.  It’s still unclear just how the show’s producers select the venues for Richman to visit, but they do a fairly solid job of finding some of the famous local haunts in each location and staying away from more mainstream places.  It’s not quite Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives, but it gives viewers a good idea of some good off-the-beaten-path joints.  Of course there’s always the main event in each episode:  the food challenge, which always takes place at the final restaurant.  There’s plenty of teases leading up to the main event, but the first two thirds of each show are plenty interesting even without a challenge.  Richman keeps things light and fun, often talking with restaurant patrons and joking with the wait staff while talking about the food he’s eating.  Some of the adjectives get a little overused (how many ways can you say “delicious”?), and every now and then it’s clear that Richman trying his best just to be polite even though the food is clearly not all that great.  But to be fair, the guy does come across some weird concoctions, and they can’t all be scrumptious.  His visit to Harold’s New York Deli Restaurant was probably the low point: the sandwich he sampled was literally two pieces of bread with about ten pounds of sliced deli meat in between them.  Yawn.

Of course the highlight of each show is the challenge, and in many ways the ante was upped from Season 1.  There was the usual slew of artery-clogging concoctions like gigantic burritos, pizzas, and entrees, not to mention a couple extraordinarily spicy meals like the “suicide six wings” challenge, which once stopped Richman after just one wing.  But in order to add some welcome variety to the mix, there were some truly inventive and creative challenges too.  One had an entire restaurant taking part in bringing down a 190-pound burger, another was a food triathlon in which Richman and three teammates had to bike, swim, and run their way to victory while consuming massive quantities of food at each stop, and there was even a Man v. Food Live during which Richman had to finish a 48-ounce steak in 20 minutes.

Man vs. Food: Mally's

Seeing this in no way makes me want to eat a 190-pound hamburger. In fact, it's basically the opposite.

Even though some of the challenges were kind of silly (seriously, at some point just piling more and more potatoes onto a subway sandwich just gets kind of ridiculous.) it’s all in good fun and even when Richman loses he’s a great sport about it and makes sure the crowd, and TV audience, have a good time.

Some have criticized Man v. Food for promoting unhealthy overeating and gluttony, especially when obesity is such a major problem in this country.  Food Network host Alton Brown even went so far as to call the show “disgusting.”  I don’t see it that way, though. In fact, watching Richman attempt the massive food challenges is a way for me to live vicariously and enjoy, on some level, the thrill of the challenge without the unfortunate side effects.  Richman is an avid exerciser and maintains a relatively healthy weight by keeping a strict treadmill regimen, and I doubt anyone who watches the show would be inspired to overindulge.  If anything, watching Richman’s edible escapades has made me more aware of the food I eat and actually caused me to reconsider large portion sizes from time to time.  It’s enough that he does the challenges–I don’t need to do it too.  It’s fun enough just to watch him and enjoy it.

Rating:[Rating:4.5/5]

Filed Under: Man vs. Food Tagged With: ,

Batman Returns

December 14, 2010 by

Batman ReturnsAfter reinventing the Batman character in 1989, and introducing audiences to a new level of box office bravura, Tim Burton decided to up the ante in every way with the inevitable sequel.  But even the soulless title has overtones of what to expect here:  Batman is back, and has a new round of villains to fight.  The weird thing is, Batman never went anywhere at the end of the first film, so why did he have to “Return” for round two?  Alas, such questions will find no answer here, as the point is to simply push the envelope of good taste and cash in on a newly-minted franchise.  And while Batman Returns isn’t a complete train wreck, it jumps off the rails early on and never even tries to find its way back.

Burton’s first Batman movie, while flawed, at least provided some good entertainment and a solid hero/villain tale.  Batman was well matched against The Joker, and the conflict provided for some interesting, if not entirely quality, film making.  In an attempt to up the ante with Batman Returns, the story has two villains: The Penguin and Catwoman, neither of whom is as interesting or compelling as Jack Nicholson’s Joker.  To further complicate matters, each villain has an origin story in this movie, which means that the title character actually gets painfully little screen time.  The film begins with the grim birth of The Penguin, a child so horribly disfigured that his parents abandon him in a baby-sized river basket to float to a watery grave.  But since this is a comic book movie, this child is (of course) adopted and raised in a secret chamber inside the Gotham City zoo by a pack of wild penguins.  Years later Danny DeVito emerges from the sewers as The Penguin, ready to wreak havoc on the city.

Batman Returns: Keaton, Pfeiffer

Selina Kyle, demonstrating the newest trend in hairstyling: "The Bird's Nest."

Meanwhile, plucky do-gooding secretary Selina Kyle (Michelle Pfeiffer), who just can’t seem to catch a break, is tossed out of a window and left for dead by her evil corporate boss Max Schreck (Christopher Walken, whose unapologetic scenery-chewing is the best part of the movie).  But since this is a comic book movie, mere secretaries can’t simply die after 20-story defenestration!  No, they are brought back to life by a pack of wild cats.  Somehow.  And thus begins her transformation into Catwoman.

None of this makes any sense whatsoever, but when watching a movie about a rich dude who fights crime in a bat mask, all bets are off.  For reasons entirely unexplainable by any stretch of logic, Max Schreck recruits The Penguin to run for mayor in exchange for some political favors. Never mind the fact that just a week earlier The Penguin was entirely unknown to Gotham and had spent his entire life in a penguin-filled sewer.  (I know we live in a world where professional wrestlers can become state governors, but even this is pretty ridiculous.) And because the plot requires it, Catwoman joins forces with The Penguin to (what else?) get rid of Batman.  Because, you know, it’s a comic book movie and stuff.  In the middle of this is an awkward romance between Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle (oh, the irony!).

Batman Returns: The Penguin

The toy action figure creators really earned their paychecks on this movie.

Michael Keaton reprises his role as Bruce Wayne, either out of contractual obligation or some type of legal fine print. His blandness pervades every aspect of the character, and when he is not throwing awkward punches or delivering a menacing glare through the Caped Crusader mask, he is squirming uncomfortably in a suit or trying to warm up to Michelle Pfeiffer in front of a ginormous fireplace back at Wayne Manor.  DeVito turns in a solid performance as an aquatic terrorist, but the entire Penguin character is a disaster from top to bottom.  There is no reason for the character to exist, no reason for a conflict between him and Batman, no way (even by comic book logic) that he could have established a massive underground terrorist organization, dependent on mindless henchmen and hundreds of trained penguins, from inside a city zoo.  And somehow, wearing a skin-tight leather suit and assigning an feline-based moniker makes one impervious to the penetrating power of 9mm bullets.  The list goes on.  The entire movie is a series of face-palm-inducing moments and cheap thrills, wrapped up in a sadistically violent tale in which Batman himself is largely peripheral.  But hey, if it sells happy meals, why not?  Oh, wait.

Rating:[Rating:0.5/5]

Filed Under: Action Tagged With: , ,
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